The one who never was

Dreaming of you has become my worst fear. Because I shouldn’t be. I do not wish to be with you. I do not even think of you.

We had our chance, we blew it. I don’t even consider that as something real now.

There were times in the past when I was concerned about you until I slowly came to realize that no one can change you but yourself. No one can save you but yourself. The people around you can try, but in the end, it boils up to you making that decision. You may or may not have grown since then, but that is not my problem.

It has been almost 5 years and there is absolutely nothing about you I still think of — memories, places, people, sounds, scents — none of them haunt me, not even the slightest. What I wonder though is why I dreamt of you. I do not even remember your face any more. But somehow I knew it was you. Perhaps you were thinking of me? Yes, that’s possible but not quite likely. After all, there was never any closure. Or was there? Frankly, I do not remember. Could that be the reason why? Do we have any unfinished business? What if we talk? Is there still a need to? Will I dream of you again? Is there a meaning to it?

I could say I loved you, but we were young then. Immature, dumb, irresponsible and happy-go-lucky.

Now I am still in love, just not with you.