Past vs. Present Me

Today, Mai asked me copies of those “tags” that were all the rage in Facebook (and the blogging world) years ago so she could answer them herself. I couldn’t help but cringe while reading some. Did those answers really come from me? How would I react to those questions now?

I’m answering some of those tags again, after more than 5 years, just to see how much my perspectives and opinions have changed compared to when I was but a nineteen-year-old girl.

1. Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with?
Past me said: “Because he was an asshole.”
Present me says: “Because he was not the right person for me.”

That same asshole is now married with kids. So, maybe, just maybe, it’s not because he’s an asshole, but because I don’t see an asshole being the right person for me. Relationships are beautiful things whether they go ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ It’s such an opportunity to grow as a human being.

PS. He may be married, but he is still an asshole

2. What’s the best feeling in the world?
Past me said: “I just realized that it is actually waking up inside the arms of the person you love.”
Present me says: “Genuine happiness.”

As in the purest, sincerest feeling of happiness. Doesn’t matter if it comes from that little bit of sunshine on your skin after feeling all triste from all the rain and gloomy days, or if it’s from waking up inside the arms of the person you love. Just that genuine feeling of happiness.

3. What’s something you really want right now, to be honest?
Past me said: “My OWN car!”
Present me says: “Contentment.”

All around me, I see these happy people enjoying their happy days, talking to their happy friends and going to their happy places. I just really want to know how they do it, how it seems that everyone around me have life all figured out and here I am, still couldn’t be utterly satisfied about every little thing. People seem to be perfectly happy with how much — or less — they have.

I don’t really need much in this life that I’m not willing to work for and get for myself, but sometimes I just feel like too much of a dreamer and wished life were so much simpler for me.

4. Name something you CANNOT wait for
Past me said: “The right guy ?”
Present me says: “Start my own family.”

It’s hard to believe that 6 years ago, my priority was still finding the right guy. I have been in bad relationships in the past and it was perfectly understandable why I said that. After all, I was young then — at least younger than I am now.

Now, that right guy every girl’s been dying to have hasn’t been my problem for the past 4 years. I could say I got lucky. What I cannot wait for now is to start my own family. Hashtag quarterlifecrisis.

5. Where were you at 11:47PM last night?
Past me said: “Walking to *a coffeeshop*. It’s what my ‘sent items’ says.”
Present me says: At home, cuddled up with my cats and the man I am going to marry.”

If I were, by any chance, walking to some coffeeshop, I would sure be walking alongside that man or a friend, not walking alone for a late night coffee date.

6. What is something you’ve realized recently?
Past me said: “That I have already forgotten how good it felt to be hugged by someone dear.”
Present me says: “That I have already forgotten how good it felt to be hugged by someone dear.”

7. Where do you see yourself in the next 2 years?
Past me said: “Prolly working. Completely independent I hope.”
Present me says: “Couldn’t tell what I’d be doing by then, but I’m sure that in 2 years, I will be a better person than I was today.”

(And is probably already married)

8. If you had one whole day to yourself, what would you do?
Past me said: “Pig out. Surf the net. Go shopping. That’s what I always do. lol”
Present me says: “Pig out, go shopping, go watch a movie, go get a whole body massage and grab a glass (or two) of wine or a cup (or two) of tea to cap it off.”

9. Will tomorrow be better than today?
Past me said: “I don’t think so. Today is a greaaat day but it depends ?”
Present me says: “I’ll make it, like I always do.”

10. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
Past me said: “Nothing. I am already blessed!?”
Present me says: “Nothing. I am already blessed!?”

To know who we are as a person, we need to have some idea of who we have been. And, for better or worse, our remembered life stories is a pretty good guide to what we will do tomorrow. When I cast back to an event from my past – let’s say the first time I ever swam backstroke unaided in the sea – I don’t just conjure up dates and times and places. I do much more than that. Thanks to my past self I’ve come out the other side with a renewed sense of who I am. I’ve learned not to be ashamed of who I was, instead I’ve chosen to embrace that person, learn what I needed to and then continue growing into the person I want to be.